Just because I eat some cookies at Christmas time does NOT mean I need to go on a major diet or juice cleanse come Jan 1.
Like I’ve said in some of my previous posts, there is no such thing as falling off the wagon. But alas, we have to grow to learn that we can’t just jump on and off and expect results- that is not consistency!
I ask myself LOTS of questions about what I’m feeding myself, usually in the aisle of the grocery store. If it makes it home with me, I ask less, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t keep asking/being present. I’ve learned to portion my food for myself, to make sure I’m getting the nutrients I need to eat throughout the day, instead of waiting all day to eat because I can’t find the right thing. (metaphor for life, right?!)
The real reason the Christmas cookies will not break me is because I know my limit, I’ve learned moderation… for gluten and lactose…. which makes me feel awful if I have too much, and it’s way easy for me to have too much… But I know how I will feel, so I consciously eat less and think more while I’m eating it. I think, “this is so yummy, I only get these once a year,” then the floating “this-is-making-me-fat” thought, then back to, “three tiny cookies wont make you fat, they are good for your soul, but not for your body in excess.” Like that? Thought ninja-ing!
I had to change my relationship to food to change my life.
I was eating to suppress emotions. I would eat and eat so I wouldn’t have to talk. In fact, at holiday parties, I was always parked near the table, because that’s what I did, I ate. But no one knew me as the person who just ate and ate. They’d say I had a good appetite, might be a cookie monster, but they’d never pick up on the fact that I was using it as an anchor, that I wasn’t moving away from the safe feelings and tastes.
Someone suggested I read this book they saw on Oprah (you know I love me some Oprah!) about emotional over eating. I was all about it, I knew I had a problem, but I never knew there was a way to work through it gently! (Links at the bottom!)
Changing the way I saw food, not as an emotional band aid, and as energy or potatoes serving their purpose as a cheap body insulator, I changed my life.
Because changing the way I saw food made me look for love within myself, made me realize that I had to work hard at the gym, that I couldn’t out-exercise a bad diet, and that when I went back day after day, I made progress. And that I loved myself for TAKING CARE OF ME! (No one is going to work out and feed you for you!)
When you change how you treat yourself, the world treats you differently too.
When you find yourself attractive, so do other people.
Attractive isn’t just spanx and muscles. Attractive is being responsible, being sensible (which was super flattering to my boyfriend when I said it-didn’t expect that!), being kind to others and what I think is SUPER important, being kind to yourself. Do you get enough sleep? Do you feed yourself nutritious food? Do you keep active because it’s exhilarating? Do you say yes or no immediately or do you take the time for yourself to make a thoughtful decision? (that last one is my personal self-project!!)
I always wanted to lose weight but didn’t know I could, and more importantly didn’t understand how. Before I could get to where I am today, I had to be okay with myself. This is my life and I had to decide I could be okay with myself right here and now.
We can’t be happy then until we can be happy with right now.
Who says that excellence in one part of your life can’t bleed over?
Once I figured out I could achieve the goal of weight loss and fitness, with the right tools and guides, I realized I could do this all the time. With every facet of my life, I could apply the lessons of moderation and consistency and intention to get anything I want. Knowing that having goals means not achieving them immediately, but taking the time to work through the progress, having the confidence in yourself to keep at it, to keep going.
People say if you work hard enough you can get anything, but the key is consistency. You need the intention to become and stay motivated. You need the moderation and consistency to keep the intention in check.
This is the way I am vs This is the way I am now.
Nothing is permanent, including physical appearances. Just like we can’t look young forever, our body will begin to tell us when it’s had enough of our abuse.
I just want to be healthy and live a long life. I was standing in line, picking up someone else’s prescription when I decided I couldn’t keep living like I was. Cold turkey is the best way to quit–That is, when you’re deciding you’re done. Ever know a recovered addict? The ones that don’t relapse are the ones that woke up one day and stopped because they couldn’t go on another day like they had been.
Food is delicious, drugs are not.
I was using food as my drug. I would make a quart sized tupperware with frosting and eat it on everything all day. My ex boyfriend noticed that the intensity of my eating bad things increased when I was mad and pointed it out! (Thanks for that!) When I decided that one day that I didn’t want to be standing in pharmacy lines for the rest of my life, I felt freer. I was sad initially that I couldn’t eat cookies, and then *epiphany time* I realized I just couldn’t eat them all the time. In no way does it mean depriving yourself. We can taste and experience food for a reason. We must enjoy it! It’s just that most of the time we stuff our faces without tasting. How many times do you sit down and shovel the food in, and then all of a sudden are too full to move or speak?
Life is beautiful even without daily cookies! 
Eat healthy all the time. Or even just most of the time, and then those cookies will burn themselves. They are just energy, fat and weight are stored energy. That’s it! They don’t need emotion, calories don’t have feelings.
Two books, two amazing insights!
Women, Food, and God. by Geneen Roth, taught me how to enjoy my food and not eat because my emotions are hungry for love.
1) It’s not about the weight but it’s not not about the weight: How you are limiting yourself by feeding the emotions, not the body.
2) the second title of the book: “an unexpected path to almost everything” (for real, moderation and confidence!)
The Places that Scare You by Pema Chodron
1) Meditation is like occlumency... you know that Harry Potter mind protection training thing? Yeah, that. It’s real and we all need it!
2) Being afraid is not the way to live, and this book was scary to start and I never wanted it to end because it gave my anxiety so much clarity and gave me the power to cope!
These two books changed my life. They gave me back the power. I was stuffing my face before because that was the power I had, or I perceived I had.
Questions I have for myself, and questions and thoughts you might benefit from reading and pondering.
- I’ve done it before, and been successful, I can do it again. What have I successfully completed in the past?
- It’s like being an addict. Can you really be responsible? Can you really just have one? Can you really stop whenever you want?
- Why is it so important to be able to moderate my eating? What other areas of my life could use some moderation or complete cessation?
- What am I doing right now that is preventing me from getting where I want to go?
- Why do I need to stop some certain things now in order to be who I want to be? Would the person I want to be have an addiction to sugar? Will she be able to have cookies just at Christmas time or once a week?
- Maybe I’m lactose and gluten intolerant because I’m eating way too much of the offending food!
- Is this me, teaching me, how to moderate? Even the most addicting substances? Is this me, training my mind to be stronger than the chemicals that it’s made of?
- What decisions do I need to make on a daily basis, or a moment-by-moment basis that will help me get where I want to go?
Feel free to discuss any of the questions in the area below, or write in your journal about it.
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