So, I’m the type of person that likes to do things all by myself. I like to make big girl decisions (take risks) because I believe in my vision and my dreams. Mostly I want to help people who are like me. They want to make everything wonderful for everyone around them, they want to save the day.
But, at what cost?
Around new year’s, I told myself I wanted to learn to be guided by my intuition and get a better understanding of my emotions – because sometimes they feel so out of whack and way off track (it’s never what you think it is, what’s the core issue?).
And boy was I tested.
More and more I’m realizing that we, as a species, have taught ourselves not to trust in our own intuition/ethics/beliefs, but to trust in proof, methods, and sheer will- Or blindly where “successful people” tell us to go. Some of them have real faith in you, believe in your work and your cause, and some of the are master manipulators.
Us open, and sometimes vulnerable people are susceptible when we don’t hone our intuition or spiritual self defense.
So instead of rock talk today, I want to share some stones that have really been occupying my brain space in the fight to get my decision making skills back, but trusting myself.
Black Tourmaline: For warding off energy vampires, identifying energy leaks (what just totally drags you down- that thing is not your thing, and it will continue to drag you down unless you put it down– lesson learned) When something feels wrong inside, that is YOUR code of ethics, and it is your responsibility to speak up– to preserve your sanity and sometimes your life.
Clear quartz: to see clearly, to see all facets of the situation, to weigh options before jumping in. For connecting with the clearest part of yourself, your best self/most aligned self/the self that would pat you on the head and tell you it’s okay self that’s been through all of this to tell the tale. For trusting that there is a part of you that can make excellent decisions— not our of fear, but out of logical necessity.
Labradorite: For connecting with higher wisdom. For knowing that there is a part of you that survived this long. Your ancestors passed down not only eye and hair color, but wit, and charisma, or stern discernment, or focus and determination. For knowing that within you is a wealth of information and knowledge. For trusting that which feels light and floaty is better than what feels heavy and like sludge. Sometimes its hard to tell the difference between anxiety and excitement— because they are the same physiological response! It is up to us to stop in the moment when we are feeling overwhelmed by energy shooting through us to ask, is this what I want? Does this make my whole existance light up? Does this make me feel icky? Does this make me feel like a fake? Because honestly, we all feel like a fake sometimes, but when we are doing what we do, when we are in the flow, we forget about all of that. All of our energy and focus is in one place, and we can truly thrive. There is no space for thoughts of doubt, just space for creation/creaativity/innovation/curiosity.
So here’s the kicker: Some of us aren’t born with these skills, and our parents didn’t know how to pass down the gift because maybe it was too scary for them or their family to admit.
We have to practice these skills! It’s not like we wake up and know how to deal with every situation with elegance and grace. But, the life flow within us is powered by and guided by love. That is a source that will never run out, it will never judge, it is always open to the opportunity in the present moment. It says, oops– oh well, now I can do something different yet equally amazing, or I don’t even know where it will take me yet– or I don’t care because I’m really enjoying doing this. No room for self doubt.
We being to ask ourselves, or when we are in situations that stimulate a feeling within, we must pay attention. I forget who said it, but it was something to the effect of, “the body uses pain to direct attention to things that we cannot see, but we can feel.”
All fears are memories that got stuck in our brain grooves, stresses that are held in tension in the muscles and joints.
The other day I realized that Gut Instinct is your body realizing something before your mind does. I remember doing secretive things in high school and knowing it was a terrible choice, doing it anyway and being reprimanded. After that, I would check in with myself if I had ANY inkling of a doubt. Usually having to do with situations with peer pressure…
Let’s just all take a big breath in right now. Check in with the body, notice if you’re gripping or holding anywhere, notice if something does not feel ease-ful. (totally made that word up but it felt so right!) All of these areas of tension were created when you felt you needed to brace yourself. What we do now, is breathe into those spaces, give them oxygen so they can relax. When you give your body the time, tell it your listening, it will tell you what’s up.
That shirt is $5 and covers your parts, but doesn’t make you feel like taking over the world, don’t buy it.
That group of people makes fun of people who can’t help what they are going through, and you don’t want to hang out with them? Don’t
That business deal doesn’t feel right? don’t do it.
When you ask your heart (and give it time and space to answer– not by focusing and saying “come to me answer”, but by letting go of all that tension, and focusing on something that makes you happy, that answer will come flying to you. Ask the question, go on with life. It doesn’t make sense to wade in the muck, the answer isn’t actually there. This would be forcing it. Nothing is that dyer. And if it is your life, then your body will know what to do. Anxiety is so natural and it saves our lives, but in the modern day, it is something that’s more like a checks and balances system. It has a purpose, just not all the time.
When people tell you what you lack, they are preying on your insecurity, your fears. They are not feeding you love. When you want to make change, you have to decide it’s time and what needs to happen. Sometimes we need a little push, but when that push starts to disagree with the standards and ethics that you’ve set for you have set for your life, it doesn’t feel good.
We truly flourish when we realize that all we have is all we need. Some “thing” will not fix all your problems. Money will never make it better. Neither will losing the weight. You have to decide within that you will be happy.
