Commitment to growth, commitment to yourself.
I’m nearing the arrival of my 300th day of meditation. The same meditation, for 11 minutes every day.
Why the same one?
Last year when I was graduating a 9 month yoga teacher training course, I felt like I needed to keep the momentum going in my learning/teaching process. I also knew it was time to buckle down and face some major blockages in my mind and heart regarding how I take on responsibilities. This mantra just kept showing up in every class I’d taken for a month. I was like, okay, I hear you, now I’m going to study your effects on me.
The funny thing about disciplined meditation is that you think you’re doing it for one reason (the mind likes to fixate and focus) but it turns out that you’re doing it for a multitude of reasons. I was like, okay, I’m committing to 1000 days of this meditation to iron out any lasting confidence issues in my relationship to myself, my partner, the money I’ve been barely bringing in, and the future I so clearly see for myself in my mind.
But what is happening is that I’m faced with situations that challenge all of those beliefs of undeserving. I’ve been challenged with jealousy (more than usual!) and also with great loss. I’ve been challenged with other people’s moods effecting my creativity. I’ve been challenged with the greatest doubts about my decisions and their long term rippling effects.
But— with all of these things that sometimes feel paralyzing, I have 11 minutes a day to give all control away, to be a vibrating beacon to that which I desire, but also to relate to the universe that is so much greater than myself. I have 11 minutes a day to imagine the life I believe I will create for myself, to let all the fears and worries ride on this short amount in time where everything is exactly as it should be, and it serves as a container for my dreams.
When do I fit this in? How do I make time for it?
When I first started with this practice, I was attempting to work for myself, and made it part of my work day to study these mantras and techniques. Lucky me!
I was able to try all sorts of different meditations and watched the miraculous occur when I freed my mind from expectation, when I soothed my neurological system from choosing the survival option every time. Then my teacher offered 40 days in a row, just 22mins a day, just to see what happened.
I did it. I didn’t stop for 83 days, until I got the flu and a fever. My Sadhana that day was to lay very still and watch the universe unfold in my eyelids. Interestingly enough, the meditation I was doing was actually recommended to break a fever, but I had NO energy. And sometimes, enough is enough.
I made time for it. I tried to get it done first thing in the morning, as recommended by the masters, but sometimes it waited until bedtime, and my partner was seriously supportive about my dedication. Now I know the value of the morning time as a method of practicality.
Why do it in the morning?
Amrit vela: The ambrosial hours. Basically the time before the sun comes up is when we can truly connect to the infinite within and around
- It’s dark and quiet, you won’t see with your eyes tasky things.
- You are less likely to have your attention divided or distracted – no one will bother you at 4am!
- You get a head start on the day, beginning with a feeling of accomplishment.
I keep returning to the morning, because as it turns out, it’s much easier to get up early to handle business that it is to hold onto the expectation all day. And recently, although my partner would never tell me not to, because he sees my dedication, the night time meditation has kind of become a wedge in our evening routine. SO— I figured that out and switched back to mornings, mostly so that I wouldn’t have it weighing on me all day. Much like my dreams and desires. Give them a space to live and flourish, so they can appear around you in real time.
The beliefs that we hold for ourselves, consciously and subconsciously, are with us all the time. Informing every one of our decisions all day. When I make the choice to meditate and hold that goodness in the morning, it holds me all day. It might not be repeating in my head, but it is repeating in my circulation and it is undoing any non-factory settings of identifying opportunity.
I encourage you to try out just sitting still with your eyes closed for a few moments a day. Allow your breath to deepen and then relax. Listen to the rhythms of your heart beat, your breath, or the birds. I love to use mantra because it keeps me extra focused.
But isn’t meditation supposed to be relaxing? Yes! Sometimes the relaxation kicks in while you’re doing it, because you’’ve created a rhythm that’s self sustaining. Sometimes it kicks in afterward when you realize you’ve responded to a situation vs. reacting.
Check it out 🙂
Let me know what you’re trying out, and tell me if any of this is helpful to you. Also, I always want to know what you want to learn about so, leave me some comments and I will get to it.
Becca
